Mothers Day and Infertility
Of all days Mother’s Day seems like the perfect day to begin writing about my infertility journey. For those of you who struggle with infertility Mother’s Day can be one of the hardest days to bear. As the world celebrates all those who have successfully managed to conceive and birth a child, you can feel like a complete failure, forgotten and so alone.
Well I’m here to tell you that you aren’t alone. I see you; I know what you are experiencing, I know how you just want to escape today. I know how sad you feel when no one acknowledges you on this day. When you skip church because it’s just too hard to go when they ask all the Mums to stand and you are left sitting there feeling barren and like a complete failure.
Yet in your mind you feel like a mum because you are currently fighting so hard for the child you are yet to conceive. You’re persevering through the endless tests, needles, invasive ultrasounds, failed pregnancy tests, dealing with Fibroids, Endometriosis, PCOS, and not to mention age and my favorite, being labelled a ‘Geriatric Mother.’ You feel so much like a mother already because you’ve planned for, prayed for, named, imagined your child so much that they seem so real to you, they just haven’t materialized in the natural. Yet they also seem so far away, and you wonder will you ever be able to celebrate mother’s day as a Mum.
Then there’s the other side of you that thinks you’re just being silly, you should get over these inappropriate, selfish, ungrateful thoughts and instead celebrate with those women who are mothers. I mean you don’t know other people’s journeys right, you have no idea what that glowing pregnant lady or new mum went through the receive her miracle. So who are you to judge.
Yet, it’s hard, it’s just plain hard right. So, I say to you, it’s ok. It’s ok to be sad today, it’s ok to cry, hurt, feel frustrated, angry, confused, lost, disappointed and bitter. And you know what, it’s just as ok for those who are Mum’s today to celebrate, to be full of joy, and to allow themselves to be blessed by their children and loved ones.
For those of you who are grieving today I grieve with you, and to those of you who are celebrating the joy of motherhood today, I celebrate with you.